If I was writing this blog post a few years ago or even a few months ago it would probably be way more dramatic and full of anger and sadness. I do not think there is such thing as "one day" where you feel like a outcast or abandoned by your so called friends, but usually its a few weeks if your lucky or if you are not so lucky it is a few months. Maybe you never stop feeling like a outcast and lose all the friends you thought you were gonna invite to your wedding and have over for dinner when you are older. I can say that basically all of these have happened to me, long term and short term feelings of feeling like an outcast. Not to sound self centered and like the universe is always working against me because I honestly do not think it is, the universe has worked with my greatest outcome in mind. Yet, I did not see this when I was coming home crying to my mom about all the different things my friends were doing to hurt me and to hurt themselves. I think I felt most like a outcast or began to realize I was "different" in many ways compared to my friends during my Freshman year, it is sort of cliche how it is my Freshman year but bare with me. Summer after 8th grade graduation apparently opened a pandoras box to every bad thing imaginable. I was afraid and never ever going to get past my mother to go and party on a saturday night, so my friends slowly slipped away to the upperclassmen in high school, farther and farther away from me. In life and especially in high school people need a sense of belonging, I think I completely lost that and this caused many things I wish never happened. A destructive boyfriend came into my life and my head started spinning so fast it seemed like everything was happening in fast forward. Freshman year I did damage to myself without even realizing I was doing it. I felt alone, like everything I had counted on fell apart. I felt like an outsider around people I had grown up with. Now people always say the rainbow comes after the clouds or one door shuts so another door can open, I guess that would make perfect sense then when I talk about meeting my next set of friends. The shift into my new set of friends was easy because I just clicked with them. Now we would go through Sophomore year together, a solid year of feeling pretty accepted. Then of course things change Junior year and it was back to wandering the halls alone. Maybe I felt sorry for myself a lot and maybe I made myself feel like an outcast.. but feelings are feelings and I do not really know if you can blame them. I think there is always a reason people feel something. I think something that has made me feel like an outcast or different in a way, all through high school, have been my morals and what I believe in. Though this has helped in many ways and in the long run is the best, it took some tears and not understanding to get where I am today. I can say though currently I do not feel like an outcast, and maybe that is because I rely on myself more then other people. I have also found a friend that is a lot more like me, I have never really had that before. All of the pain and hardship has got me to where I am today and I am grateful for that. I would say for anyone that feels or has felt like an outcast, that it does not last forever. The universe has your best outcome in mind.